Radio Silence

Dealing with the death of a close friend.  Sudden and inexplicable.

I will be back later this week – never fear!

Merry Christmas – hope you all enjoy the day

How easily you let a good friend go.

I guess it happens every now and again. Someone you think is a great and true friend jus turns and leaves for stupid reasons.

Tonight I drink a toast to two of my favorites… Mike and Lea…

Not important why the friendship ended. But its completely stooopid.

We cooked together, went to dinner, played Wii and just had a blast.

They were fun and funny and I loved every minute of being their friend. Here’s to you two – hope life treats you well.

thrown for a looooop

The night shift stinks.

But I love my new job!

How does one adjust to this MADNESS of a schedule?????

Take me now or lose me forever

This post needs no words.

Sex sex and MORE sex

Yesterday my little fumbly-bumbly blog hit a new first. 320 readers in 12 hours. WOW.

I have also received lots of emails about what you want to read. It would seem people like to read what I write about dating and sex and other deliciously dirty things.

I am in the process of developing a daily sex/dating/love blog ready by the first of the year…

It will be here and it will be juicy!

8)

thanks for the support and ideas! Send me more!

blueseaglass

Office Christmas Party Hookups

I went to my first office party in almost a decade. I have worked for myself for so long that I forgot about it.

Holy fucking drama batman.

The cast of characters was out. The cheater, the desperate to be loved lonely girl, the cute couple, the guy whose girl wasn’t there, the angry friend… I could go on.

Being new to this “office” I knew nothing and noone. Thank god the other new girl showed the minute I did so we clung to each other for a while. After the second glass of wine people started opening up. And with not too much effort I was able to get the scoop on the entire lot of them.

I was then able to sit back and watch them swirl themselves in a vat of martini-based mistakes. It was better than a daytime soap.

What is it about office parties that says one must behave badly, get lit and screw the secretary? Everyone has a camera or a camera-phone. Noone is getting away with anything. It seems to be self sabotage at its finest. With a candy cane on top for emphasis.

I wonder how many marriages end because of an incident from one of these mad parties…

I will be so glad to get the rest of the drama tomorrow at work. If I learned nothing else last night it was that my new work place will be interesting to say the least.

Vagina Secrets

Remember the secrets blog I discovered? (its still on here) Well I visited it today and found an interesting one…

This triggered a memory. When I was hitting puberty I was in a weird place for other reasons. My Mom was beginning her mental decline and being the only other human standing next to her I felt the reprocussions (she didn’t intend this and I love her). But at that age no-one needs to feel more awkward.

My siblings were all living in Dallas and so my sister wasn’t around for me to “compare” my body to.

Vagina’s are strange alien looking things to begin with. The internet was merely a gleam in Al Gore’s mind so I had no resources. But I felt like there was something wrong with me all the time anyway so how did I know my privates were totally normal?

And then Elizabeth Y. changed into her bathing suit in front of me.

Only one of her lips must have hung down to her knee. OK that is probably my mind exagerating it. But hers was weird. Really weird. And I have always thought mine was normal since that moment!

She was probably having a weird teen growth thing happen but let me just say. It was the best thing ever! I WAS NORMAL!

5 steps to making your teenager scream.

step 1. While wearing pajamas put Itunes on to your teen’s favorite playlist.
step 2. Inform said teen that you have something to show them and they can not leave the room or they get grounded.
step 3. Blast the playlist and establish eye contact with teen.
step 4. While maintaining eye contact and standing only a foot away from them, bust out with your best 80’s dance moves.

Do not smile.
Be very serious.

step 5. Inform the teenager (who will now be screaming and possbily crying in fear) that you think he should try your ubercool moves.

Smelling salts are good to have on hand.

AMAZING!!!!! Sex with dogs.

FIrst I have to say that as a dogwalker and animal hospital employee I take exception to the idea.

Someone found me by googling this yesterday…..

human intercourse w/canines

When did sex with other humans get old? I mean COME ON!!!! And how the fuck did they find ME with this google search? ACK!

If you find yourself ACTUALLY getting turned on and masturbating to the idea of fucking an animal…. REPORT TO THE NEAREST PSYCH WARD STAT!!!!!!!!!!

Dear vibrator,

Dear vibrator,

As long as I keep you on a steady diet of duracell’s you are always so good to me.

You never stand me up.
You never make me mad.
You are there for me day or night.
You dont care if I have kids or not.
You dont mind cellulite. (not that I have any… hehe).
You ALWAYS get me off.
You know how to find my g-spot and your little rabbit knows just what to do with my clit. Such a lovely combination. A combo more men should learn.
If I don’t pay for anything or call for a month you dont care.
Sometimes we even have threesomes and you dont get jealous of my boyfriend (former boyfriend… whatever).
If I decide to replace you, there is no whining or complaining.

If only you could get a job and help with the bills.

Love forever,

Blueseaglass