I have vivid Dreams.

My dreams have color, taste and smells.

I have had an orgasm from a dream.

Some of them are about things that happen in the near future…. although I can not tell the difference between them and other dreams.

I have wanted to log my dreams for a long time… I will start tomorrow. Gotta go to bed now! INSOMNIA BE DAMNED

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November 19th, 2007 midnight

mood: so sad my eyes sting from crying.
music: no. it will make me cry.

* AMBIEN *

Unfortunately, when I am as sad and desolate as I am in the aftermath of my big heartbreak, I can’t sleep. I will go days and days before I finally rest on my own. I also dont dream when I am this upset. I have to take an ambien. Maybe 2. It knocks me out and keeps me down till my body has had enough. Its the only way to cope with my insomnia.

I hate not dreaming. I feel unconnected to myself.

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Nov. 20, 2007 2am

I feel the healing. It is starting. Mostly because of my friends and my family being completely honest with me. I am over mourning this relationship and I am ready to work on me and move forward.

It is amazing how quickly healing happens. One minute I felt the world coming to an end… 3 minutes later I felt my heart mending and my spirit strengthening…

I reserve the right to mourn this again – but today. I am ok.

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Nov. 21, 2007 noon

I had one of my worst dreams last night. I don’t remember the details – but they are always painful and I wake up sobbing and sobbing outloud.

Maybe that means I am finally processing this break up.

There is such a long lingering sadness for an hour or so after one of these dreams. It is finally evaporating. Hopefully tonight I will go back to normal dreams.

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January 16, 2008 9:10 pm

Yesterday one of the Vets let me sit with a beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback mix named Masira while she was Euthanized. I was so thankful and the vet was so kind that she was in my dreams last night. I don’t remember it all but it definately featured her as an angelic, kind figure. We were in the alps and my border collie was with us. We were running around looking for our father and finding clues to our childhood…

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