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3 glasses of cheap pink sweet wine into my night.

11 boxes packed.

8 bags of trashed hauled to the curb.

Two sets of mattresses in the hallway ready to be taken to the truck.

I am almost 35. Why am I dragging around so much crap? Seriously. We just moved a half of a year ago and I have boxes that are unopened and nothing really missing from my daily trek through life.

My Mother’s condition worsens.

My financial condition worsens.

My relationship remains stable and loving but in a holding pattern…

Its 9 freakin thirty and the movers will be here in 11.5 hours.

I am moving back from the burbs where I can escape my neighbors and friends at all times. I will be forced to see them all on a freakin daily basis. The grocery store. The dogpark. The f*cking coffee house.

I will be doing my duty as a child. I will be saving for a house and more freedom. I will be going to school.

Did I mention that I have decided to become a Veterinarian? Thats right. The school that is more difficult to get into than medical school. No stress. Really.

Found a stash of tomato boxes left over from the farmers market. Good for picture frames and DVD’s.

I won’t be able to escape my friends.

My friends will be closer.

My f*cking shrink will be 5 blocks away.

My dogs will love going for runs over the bridge and around the monuments. They will miss the yard but I think they would rather be with me while I trudge through a workout than in a yard alone while I cook dinner.

I will be closer to my Grandparents and the baby.

I won’t be able to escape my Grandparents and the baby.

I should probably shut up and finish packing.

I just tossed every magazine I own, all clothing I don’t love and books I will never read.
Thank you Oprah.

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I think she looks great and is totally glowing!!!

So after looking at the 1973 December issue of Playboy, and a few days later seeing a movie with a GREAT burlesque scene, I am totally convinced that we need to rewind our porn/naughty pics and go back to classics.

Take this playboy cover – it is so hot! But it shows nothing!!!
playboy196511.jpg

Lets go back to relying on our imaginations a little more. There is no mystery in watching two hairless women go to town on each other… I mean sure its a turn on the first time you see it but really? Come on! Lets show our natural bodies, flaws and all, and get our imagination’s involved!!!!

Finally the radio silence has ended. I survived the lack of internet, oh and the fucking flu, and I am back just a few pounds lighter.

Still no sex to speak of. GodDAMNit.

Although I have my new friend we will call “lillybelle” at work who tells me about her every orgasm and her stallion man. Which I do enjoy – but it makes me start thinking about far away loves and my born again virgin status.

Yes I am pulling my big girl panties up.

Anyway I missed you all and hope to hear whats new!

Dealing with the death of a close friend.  Sudden and inexplicable.

I will be back later this week – never fear!

Merry Christmas – hope you all enjoy the day

I guess it happens every now and again. Someone you think is a great and true friend jus turns and leaves for stupid reasons.

Tonight I drink a toast to two of my favorites… Mike and Lea…

Not important why the friendship ended. But its completely stooopid.

We cooked together, went to dinner, played Wii and just had a blast.

They were fun and funny and I loved every minute of being their friend. Here’s to you two – hope life treats you well.

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I went to my first office party in almost a decade. I have worked for myself for so long that I forgot about it.

Holy fucking drama batman.

The cast of characters was out. The cheater, the desperate to be loved lonely girl, the cute couple, the guy whose girl wasn’t there, the angry friend… I could go on.

Being new to this “office” I knew nothing and noone. Thank god the other new girl showed the minute I did so we clung to each other for a while. After the second glass of wine people started opening up. And with not too much effort I was able to get the scoop on the entire lot of them.

I was then able to sit back and watch them swirl themselves in a vat of martini-based mistakes. It was better than a daytime soap.

What is it about office parties that says one must behave badly, get lit and screw the secretary? Everyone has a camera or a camera-phone. Noone is getting away with anything. It seems to be self sabotage at its finest. With a candy cane on top for emphasis.

I wonder how many marriages end because of an incident from one of these mad parties…

I will be so glad to get the rest of the drama tomorrow at work. If I learned nothing else last night it was that my new work place will be interesting to say the least.

Remember the secrets blog I discovered? (its still on here) Well I visited it today and found an interesting one…

likemine.jpg

This triggered a memory. When I was hitting puberty I was in a weird place for other reasons. My Mom was beginning her mental decline and being the only other human standing next to her I felt the reprocussions (she didn’t intend this and I love her). But at that age no-one needs to feel more awkward.

My siblings were all living in Dallas and so my sister wasn’t around for me to “compare” my body to.

Vagina’s are strange alien looking things to begin with. The internet was merely a gleam in Al Gore’s mind so I had no resources. But I felt like there was something wrong with me all the time anyway so how did I know my privates were totally normal?

And then Elizabeth Y. changed into her bathing suit in front of me.

Only one of her lips must have hung down to her knee. OK that is probably my mind exagerating it. But hers was weird. Really weird. And I have always thought mine was normal since that moment!

She was probably having a weird teen growth thing happen but let me just say. It was the best thing ever! I WAS NORMAL!

FIrst I have to say that as a dogwalker and animal hospital employee I take exception to the idea.

Someone found me by googling this yesterday…..

human intercourse w/canines

When did sex with other humans get old? I mean COME ON!!!! And how the fuck did they find ME with this google search? ACK!

If you find yourself ACTUALLY getting turned on and masturbating to the idea of fucking an animal…. REPORT TO THE NEAREST PSYCH WARD STAT!!!!!!!!!!

Dear vibrator,

As long as I keep you on a steady diet of duracell’s you are always so good to me.

You never stand me up.
You never make me mad.
You are there for me day or night.
You dont care if I have kids or not.
You dont mind cellulite. (not that I have any… hehe).
You ALWAYS get me off.
You know how to find my g-spot and your little rabbit knows just what to do with my clit. Such a lovely combination. A combo more men should learn.
If I don’t pay for anything or call for a month you dont care.
Sometimes we even have threesomes and you dont get jealous of my boyfriend (former boyfriend… whatever).
If I decide to replace you, there is no whining or complaining.

If only you could get a job and help with the bills.

Love forever,

Blueseaglass

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