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The movers are here.

I am still shocked at what was under my couch…
17 rawhides buried by my creatures.
2 pairs of slippers.
a broken wine glass????
7 tennis balls (creatures again)
dust
dust
dirt
bottle of lotion.
panties.
magazine (nothing good Keith)
my diary. hehe.

One of the movers smells like a rotten cheeseburger and its making me nauseous.

I tossed about 5,000 things into my bedroom this morning thinking I would throw stuff out and go through things… Not sure the door will open.

Where did all this crap come from?

3 glasses of cheap pink sweet wine into my night.

11 boxes packed.

8 bags of trashed hauled to the curb.

Two sets of mattresses in the hallway ready to be taken to the truck.

I am almost 35. Why am I dragging around so much crap? Seriously. We just moved a half of a year ago and I have boxes that are unopened and nothing really missing from my daily trek through life.

My Mother’s condition worsens.

My financial condition worsens.

My relationship remains stable and loving but in a holding pattern…

Its 9 freakin thirty and the movers will be here in 11.5 hours.

I am moving back from the burbs where I can escape my neighbors and friends at all times. I will be forced to see them all on a freakin daily basis. The grocery store. The dogpark. The f*cking coffee house.

I will be doing my duty as a child. I will be saving for a house and more freedom. I will be going to school.

Did I mention that I have decided to become a Veterinarian? Thats right. The school that is more difficult to get into than medical school. No stress. Really.

Found a stash of tomato boxes left over from the farmers market. Good for picture frames and DVD’s.

I won’t be able to escape my friends.

My friends will be closer.

My f*cking shrink will be 5 blocks away.

My dogs will love going for runs over the bridge and around the monuments. They will miss the yard but I think they would rather be with me while I trudge through a workout than in a yard alone while I cook dinner.

I will be closer to my Grandparents and the baby.

I won’t be able to escape my Grandparents and the baby.

I should probably shut up and finish packing.

I just tossed every magazine I own, all clothing I don’t love and books I will never read.
Thank you Oprah.

I know I have been posting about Playboy and natural looking women recently… but this has been on my mind as well.

Here are some green things I have started this year…

1. once a week I put a box of books (I have a TON) out in front of my house with a note that says, “free to a good home” in the hopes that other people will read them and enjoy them and not buy a book for another week. I am also going to only buy used books from now on (thank you gertrudegrannypanties).
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2. I am composting!!! Not a lot, but I am. Dryer lint, coffee grinds, veggies and other lil things. I am planning on purchasing some red worms in the spring!!!
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3. I work in a big animal hospital and almost daily during my downtime take a pile of paper from our recycling can and cut it in half put the two halves on top of each other to make a neat pile, staple along top in a straight line and make scratch paper pads. Sometimes I write a note with a little doodle on the front and give it to a coworker. They always use them and are always grateful! Martha Stewart had this on her show once and it involved alot more steps and they looked professional.

4. Replaced all the light bulbs with those green energy star ones.

5. Got a space heater for my bedroom and keep the heat for the rest of the house down.

6. Yes I am timing my showers… and brushing my teeth in the shower while rinsing off my shampoo/conditioner.

7. MY BIGGEST CHANGE is that I am cleaning the house with green cleaners and vinegar/water/baking soda/lemon juice. With 3 dogs, a cat a 13 year old and a muddy back yard I clean ALOT!

Got any other easy tips? I am all about the easy!

Today I was going through old emails to find a password to an email account I somewhate forgot… and I came upon the email I sent to my now landlord, from her craigslist ad. I realized the price in the ad was $50 less a month than my rent… So I looked through all my old checks and sure enough I have been paying $50 over the advertised price for 6 months.

How did I not notice this?

I sent the email, dear so and so – I found this email and would like to correct it now and subtract my overpayments from this month’s rent.

She emailed back and says “we informed everyone that it was actually $50 more a month and that is what your contract states”

Isn’t that the old bait n switch? False advertising? She never told me it was $50 more a month and she promised the apartment to me before I signed a contract…

What should I do?
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Bet you didn’t know that I had 2 years of art school back in the day. I decided before I settled on Communications, to be an artist. I loved it. LOVED IT. And then somewhere about 10 years ago I just stopped creating. I use to draw pictures in my day-planner of the dogs I would see at the park and doodle disturbing images when I was down in the dumps.

I can not tell you why I stopped. I did keep making jewelry – but how creative is stringing beads?

The other day I was in the grocery store of all places and a sketch book caught my eye in the school supplies section. Now its as if I had never stopped! I am doodling and creating and thinking of buying paints again… It feels so amazing to channel this creative thing again.

Last night I sat in my bed with a glass of red wine and out poured a creepy old hollow tree with crows on the branches. It felt amazing. It would also seem that I haven’t forgotten all that I learned in my art classes. Yes I am a bit rusty, but its still there!

FIrst I have to say that as a dogwalker and animal hospital employee I take exception to the idea.

Someone found me by googling this yesterday…..

human intercourse w/canines

When did sex with other humans get old? I mean COME ON!!!! And how the fuck did they find ME with this google search? ACK!

If you find yourself ACTUALLY getting turned on and masturbating to the idea of fucking an animal…. REPORT TO THE NEAREST PSYCH WARD STAT!!!!!!!!!!

I live for cleaning lady days. If I could afford it I would have one living here! I love walking in the door to a lemony fresh house sans dog hair! The company I use sort of came with the apartment. And I love them – but if my regular lady doesn’t come I get the dud who doesn’t do even half the job.

So I came home from a somewhat emotionally rough day (thanks Mommy) and was disapointed to smell no lemon. But then it got worse…

1) All my trash cans are back in the wrong place and unlined (one was sitting on the couch).

2) There are 3 dirty dishes in my sink.

3) The TV remotes are NOWHERE to be found.

4) My dogs’ big water bowl is up on the counter and empty.

5) Did I mention the lack of citrus freshness?

6) My couch is cluttered with not only a trash can but all my bags from target that were in my room… Pink baby outfits spilling out where my dogs can jump on them!!! ACK! I guess we will find out if my niece is allergic, huh?

7) The toilet paper didn’t have the cute little fold down my normal lady does. 8(

Yes it could be worse and it is a bit cleaner all around… but after the day I had I hate to spend time straightening up after my freakin house keeper! And my cousin is driving in for the night in a few hours… I would rather be taking a nap.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Before I start my rant. This sad human being gets props for being nice to little people.

New York actually tried to win the hand of Flavor flav. Thats right – the virus with the giant clock around his neck… He is a mystery to me.

So that is really strike one against NY. When it didn’t work out she was really heartbroken.

I didn’t know until I had watched the first 3 episodes back to back of I Love New York 2 one saturday that this person was NOT a drag queen. I shit you not.

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I started to wonder around episode 4. Her mother seems to refer to her as a girl. BUT CAN THIS BE TRUE???? Her mother is a little masculine too!

I realized that she is either a woman or a post-op trany. (Clue – she talks about paying for her breasts…) Good for her. I don’t discriminate. But by then I was hooked on the show. Its like TV rubbernecking – the uglier the accident, the more I want to stare.

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At the start of the show there were several decent bachelors… and some freaks of nature (not you midget Mac – you were very very cool).

It would seem that K-Fed has cousins or siblings that are on this show. White/Black trash from the streets… But the woman (man) trany – WHATEVER was seemingly more attracted to the trash!

INEXPLICABLE

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I have recently had an intervention from some friends and have stopped watching the show (but I will sooo watch the finale). But the question still looms… Man or woman? I still can not tell!!!

Could someone please enlighten me? And if she is indeed a post-op trany – she should admit it and be proud of herself!

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Now I have walked dogs professionally for more than 7 years. I have seen them all.

The poop pointer-outers (your dog is going over there – do you need a bag?)

The sanctimonious small dog owners (as I walk in – Is that BIG dog of your’s friendly with small dogs?)

My personal favorite – the dog-park NAZI who thinks they can keep all the owners and dogs they hate out for various reasons. The complain – they gossip and they ultimately become the hated bitches of the park.

But this bitch took the cake.

My friends witnessed this – if I had been there I would have beaten her ass and stolen her dog to find it a better home.

… She arrives at the park in the sweatpants she has worn and slept in for 4 days. She hasn’t brushed her teeth (GAG) and has a major fucking chip on her shoulder.
Her dog is overweight (I wont mention her owner’s body but you can imagine) and actually really sweet even though she looks quite menacing. There are several other dogs and there owners in the park playing or chatting. There is a dogwalker with 4 dogs playing with his brood.

It is important to know that this park has a sign that says only 3 dogs allowed with each owner.

She retreats to the corner of the park and turns her filthysmelly back that has backfat on the group to use her cell phone.

Several minutes later a police car arrives with its lights and siren on.

SHE CALLED 911 BECAUSE SOMEONE HAD 4 DOGS IN THE PARK THAT ONLY ALLOWS 3 DOGS.

I am not making this up.

What is wrong with her? She wasted MY tax dollars to do something really fucking stupid. She should have gotten a really expensive ticket for calling 911 for a non-emergency situation.

I hope she knows that we all talk about her and wont be nice to her ever again. I hope she chokes on her gallon of chocolate ice cream tonight.

We are a nice dog-park community and genuinely care for each other. BUT NOT THAT FUCKING FREAK!

only in Japan…

So funny. I like the one at the end with the pink ears the most.

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