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I went to my first office party in almost a decade. I have worked for myself for so long that I forgot about it.

Holy fucking drama batman.

The cast of characters was out. The cheater, the desperate to be loved lonely girl, the cute couple, the guy whose girl wasn’t there, the angry friend… I could go on.

Being new to this “office” I knew nothing and noone. Thank god the other new girl showed the minute I did so we clung to each other for a while. After the second glass of wine people started opening up. And with not too much effort I was able to get the scoop on the entire lot of them.

I was then able to sit back and watch them swirl themselves in a vat of martini-based mistakes. It was better than a daytime soap.

What is it about office parties that says one must behave badly, get lit and screw the secretary? Everyone has a camera or a camera-phone. Noone is getting away with anything. It seems to be self sabotage at its finest. With a candy cane on top for emphasis.

I wonder how many marriages end because of an incident from one of these mad parties…

I will be so glad to get the rest of the drama tomorrow at work. If I learned nothing else last night it was that my new work place will be interesting to say the least.

Dear vibrator,

As long as I keep you on a steady diet of duracell’s you are always so good to me.

You never stand me up.
You never make me mad.
You are there for me day or night.
You dont care if I have kids or not.
You dont mind cellulite. (not that I have any… hehe).
You ALWAYS get me off.
You know how to find my g-spot and your little rabbit knows just what to do with my clit. Such a lovely combination. A combo more men should learn.
If I don’t pay for anything or call for a month you dont care.
Sometimes we even have threesomes and you dont get jealous of my boyfriend (former boyfriend… whatever).
If I decide to replace you, there is no whining or complaining.

If only you could get a job and help with the bills.

Love forever,

Blueseaglass

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