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One. the only thing that makes me vomit (other than too much drink) is spit. The sight of it. The idea of it. Even speaking about it. If I think of it for more than a minute I will vomit.

Two. I am fascinated with boils and am actually sad that I have never had one.

Three. When I am home alone I leave the tv on in the background because I get freaked out.

Four. I was a talented singer growing up and starred in several musicals. My mother hired a voice coach and she encouraged me to become a professional. Just wasn’t my thing. The funny thing is my boyfriend M. sings like a lark and has sparked his career in film from his voice, and I have never told him this fact about me. Its his thing now.

Five. My son has freckles in matching spots on both sides of his body. 8 of them. Its like he is a freckle mirror.

Six. I have an obsession with pickled things. Pickled okra, pickles, pickled asparagus, but Pickled green tomatoes are my favorite. I even drink the juice at the end of the jar.

Seven. I can not stop reading books about leper colonies in Hawaii.


Now I have walked dogs professionally for more than 7 years. I have seen them all.

The poop pointer-outers (your dog is going over there – do you need a bag?)

The sanctimonious small dog owners (as I walk in – Is that BIG dog of your’s friendly with small dogs?)

My personal favorite – the dog-park NAZI who thinks they can keep all the owners and dogs they hate out for various reasons. The complain – they gossip and they ultimately become the hated bitches of the park.

But this bitch took the cake.

My friends witnessed this – if I had been there I would have beaten her ass and stolen her dog to find it a better home.

… She arrives at the park in the sweatpants she has worn and slept in for 4 days. She hasn’t brushed her teeth (GAG) and has a major fucking chip on her shoulder.
Her dog is overweight (I wont mention her owner’s body but you can imagine) and actually really sweet even though she looks quite menacing. There are several other dogs and there owners in the park playing or chatting. There is a dogwalker with 4 dogs playing with his brood.

It is important to know that this park has a sign that says only 3 dogs allowed with each owner.

She retreats to the corner of the park and turns her filthysmelly back that has backfat on the group to use her cell phone.

Several minutes later a police car arrives with its lights and siren on.


I am not making this up.

What is wrong with her? She wasted MY tax dollars to do something really fucking stupid. She should have gotten a really expensive ticket for calling 911 for a non-emergency situation.

I hope she knows that we all talk about her and wont be nice to her ever again. I hope she chokes on her gallon of chocolate ice cream tonight.

We are a nice dog-park community and genuinely care for each other. BUT NOT THAT FUCKING FREAK!

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