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I went to my first office party in almost a decade. I have worked for myself for so long that I forgot about it.

Holy fucking drama batman.

The cast of characters was out. The cheater, the desperate to be loved lonely girl, the cute couple, the guy whose girl wasn’t there, the angry friend… I could go on.

Being new to this “office” I knew nothing and noone. Thank god the other new girl showed the minute I did so we clung to each other for a while. After the second glass of wine people started opening up. And with not too much effort I was able to get the scoop on the entire lot of them.

I was then able to sit back and watch them swirl themselves in a vat of martini-based mistakes. It was better than a daytime soap.

What is it about office parties that says one must behave badly, get lit and screw the secretary? Everyone has a camera or a camera-phone. Noone is getting away with anything. It seems to be self sabotage at its finest. With a candy cane on top for emphasis.

I wonder how many marriages end because of an incident from one of these mad parties…

I will be so glad to get the rest of the drama tomorrow at work. If I learned nothing else last night it was that my new work place will be interesting to say the least.

step 1. While wearing pajamas put Itunes on to your teen’s favorite playlist.
step 2. Inform said teen that you have something to show them and they can not leave the room or they get grounded.
step 3. Blast the playlist and establish eye contact with teen.
step 4. While maintaining eye contact and standing only a foot away from them, bust out with your best 80’s dance moves.

Do not smile.
Be very serious.

step 5. Inform the teenager (who will now be screaming and possbily crying in fear) that you think he should try your ubercool moves.

Smelling salts are good to have on hand.

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